跟曼德勒打视频，父亲把手机对着米线给我看，问腾冲哪点有这个好吃，我当然说没有，他高兴得又端近一点，镜头全是碗！本来笑着的，后来听见母亲在后面喊人收钱，突然就舍不得挂了。那边有人进店，有人找零钱，我坐在自己家里，听得一清二楚，却帮不上手，也吃不到那一口。母亲说想吃就回来，说得跟隔壁巷子一样容易。我没哭，还跟她讲我腌的菜，她嫌我放柠檬多。挂了以后把剩下的菜装进瓶子，想着真回去又要听她指挥几天，烦也是烦的，还是想回去。今天不是想带团的热闹，是想在他们铺子里坐着，没人请我讲解，坐着就行。

A minha irmã convenceu-me a experimentar as botas que comprei a pensar no caminho de Santiago, e fomos dar uma volta sem destino, só para as tirar finalmente da caixa. Ao princípio sentia os pés presos, sobretudo na parte de cima, mas fui afrouxando os atacadores e deixei de pensar nisso. O que me soube melhor foi andar sem sacos nem pasta, com os braços livres e sem ter de chegar antes do toque. Voltámos com calor e as meias húmidas, nada de glorioso. Sentei-me na varanda com as pernas esticadas e fiquei a sentir o ar a arrefecer-me a cara, enquanto ela explicava ao telefone que tínhamos feito uma grande expedição de bairro.

I'm arranging the next shop rota and keep finding reasons not to hand the final check to the younger volunteer who has offered. She remembers the deliveries, turns up, and asks sensible questions. My objections are becoming rather detailed for a woman who claims she wants a successor. I suppose I like knowing exactly where I am needed. The post office stopped needing me all at once, however much work there still was to be done. The shop is not the same thing. I've sent her the draft and asked her to find the gaps herself. I shall try not to ring with my own list before she has had a chance to open it.

離れで色校を見ていた。画面と紙を交互に見るうちに、右の肩甲骨の内側が張ってきた。椅子を引くと背中が丸くなっていたのが分かる。窓まで歩き、川の向こうを見た。近くの文字ほど目を細めなくてよい。戻って机に肘を置く位置を変えたら少し楽になったが、しばらくするとまた同じ姿勢。紙を目に近づければ済むのに、自分が近づいている。夜、母屋へ行くときは上着が要った。手は暖かいままで、足首だけ冷えていた。夕飯を食べ終わる頃に肩のことを忘れた。

I've been choosing photographs for the donation exhibition I keep going on about, and half the ones I loved don't work beside each other. Apparently having a hundred pictures of strange objects is not the same thing as having an exhibition, devastating news for my bedroom. I keep choosing by how good the story was when we opened the bag, but a person looking at the photograph won't know that story. Tried picking six that made sense without me standing beside them explaining. It's a much smaller set and I quite like it. Haven't shown my boyfriend yet; he's asked twice, so I can't continue pretending nobody is interested while hiding them under everything else.

An old colleague rang about a farewell morning tea and I was pleased to be included, right up until I realised I would know hardly anyone on the current team. I started asking who was going as if I were checking the catering numbers. Really I wanted assurance that somebody would be glad to see me, which is a bit silly after thirty-eight years at the council. The wife said I can attend without being in charge of the conversation. No doubt. I'm looking forward to it, though I felt a little flat after the call. People have carried on quite successfully without needing my explanation of the hard rubbish pamphlet. Inconsiderate of them.

Chopping onions for dinner made my eyes water so much that my partner came in to find me blinking at the wall with the knife put safely down. He suggested opening the window, which was irritatingly effective. Once the onions were cooking, the warmth from the hob and the smell of the spices made me realise I was properly hungry, not just thinking that dinner ought to happen. I'd been sitting most of the day and standing there felt surprisingly comfortable. Shoulders still tight, but my hands had something to do that didn't involve lining up paper. Ate rather quickly when it was ready. Now I'm pleasantly full and the kitchen is warm enough that neither of us wants to start washing up.

16.34. Took the dog round after getting up and he stopped dead at a cat under a car. I had the lead in the wrong hand and got turned round more sharply than intended. Nothing pulled, but I noticed how stiff I was doing the same turn at the next corner, without the dog helping. Sleeping all day seems to set me in one position. By the time we got back I was moving all right and could have done another lap, except he had made it quite clear he wanted his tea. Sat on the bottom stair to undo my shoes. Knee made its usual noise. Dog looked at it as if something edible had fallen out.

One of the younger players showed me a different way of remembering a difficult passage, with a pattern on her phone. My first thought was that she should put the phone down and listen. Then she played it correctly and I had to find another objection, which tells on me a little. I learned by ear and by doing it again until Mr Clyde was satisfied. That doesn't mean everybody has to get there by my exact route. Still not having people scrolling through messages while the section waits. The trouble is deciding when the phone is helping and when I'm simply irritated to see it. Those are not always the same occasion.

I've been rehearsing how to explain my on-call schedule to my girlfriend without making it sound as if the funeral home gets first choice of every evening. It isn't quite that simple, but she isn't asking me to stop caring about the work. She wants to know whether a plan is a plan. I keep answering with examples of unusual calls when the real question is about ordinary weekends. I'm going to ask the director exactly which dates another person can cover before I promise anything. I don't need a speech about the profession. I need to know if I can take her to dinner on a particular Friday, which should not require this much private preparation.