За кроссвордом обнаружил, что подношу газету почти к самому носу, хотя очки лежали рядом, совершенно исправные. Надел их, отодвинул лампу и почувствовал, насколько утомились глаза за день: смотреть на отдельные буквы уже не хотелось, даже если ответ был известен. Жена предложила оставить пустые клетки до завтра, что прозвучало почти как разрешение. Вышел на балкон, постоял, опираясь на перила, посмотрел на деревья во дворе без задачи что-либо прочитать или проверить. Спина после стула распрямлялась не сразу, зато прохладный воздух был приятен лицу. Газету потом сложил. Недостающее слово из семи букв от этого никуда не исчезнет.

跟孙女视频，她把手机架好，让我看她新学的一段动作。我没太看明白是什么舞，但她跳得认真，我也没打岔。跳完问我怎么样，我说比爷爷当年上台大方。她马上追问我还上过台？这下可找到话头了，讲起厂里排节目，谁忘了词，谁把服装穿反，老伴在旁边纠正了我两次。说着说着我心里挺高兴，不是因为以前的事多光荣，是这孩子真想听，还让我下次接着讲。挂了电话才想起来，她跳的那一段我还没夸明白呢。发条消息过去，字打得慢，等我写好，她已经回了个笑脸，说知道我看得可认真了。这个晚上过得快，茶放凉了都没想起来喝。

Trying to explain to the kid why her toast burns while I'm looking for the butter and she asked why I don't get the butter first. Cheers chef, excellent contribution. At work I can set a whole section up before service, at home I start breakfast and then go hunting for every bloody thing one at a time. Think it's because I reckon home should just happen without the prep. Partner says the clean dishes don't just happen either. Wasn't requesting a full performance review. I've put the breakfast stuff together for tomorrow, except the butter obviously, before someone reports me to food safety.

I took out the visitor papers again and started checking the same details I checked last time. Name right, dates right, documents in the folder, and still I found some reason not to send them. My daughter asked whether I was missing a paper or just afraid of the answer. I didn't appreciate the question immediately. Thinking about it now, both would feel easier than this waiting I am doing to myself. There is the stall to arrange too, but I arrange other people's time every week. I want to work out a proper cover plan and then see what is truly left to do. Not announce the journey yet, just stop calling every small worry a missing document.

أمي طلبت مني نختار معها بين زوز أقمشة لفستان حريفة، ولما اخترت واحدا قالت إنها كانت تميل للثاني ثم رجعت تشوف اختياري بجدية. فرحت أكثر مما يلزم هههه، عادة في البيت يسألوني عن العلامات أو متى سأنهي المراجعة، وهذه المرة رأيي مطلوب في شيء لا توجد له إجابة نموذجية. جلست معها حتى ثبتنا الدبابيس، وحكينا على لون الحذاء الذي يمكن أن يناسبه. بعدين أخي دخل وطلب مني نحي كتبي من فوق الخزانة وتعكرت في لحظة. غاظني أنه قطع الجلسة، موش فقط لأنه لمس الكراسات. كنت مرتاحة بجانب أمي وأحببت أن يطول الكلام، لكن قلت له أنت دائما تفسد كل شيء، وهي جملة أكبر من الموضوع.

The Shetland savings are getting close enough that I can no longer treat the trip as a pleasant idea that costs nothing. I've started looking at the journey and keep getting caught on the changes between flights, imagining myself standing in the wrong queue with a suitcase full of sensible clothes. I managed a household and a child without much assistance; presumably I can manage an airport. Still, that isn't quite the same kind of knowing. I wrote down the parts I don't understand so I can ask a travel agent specific questions instead of saying the whole thing looks difficult. Admiral will need somewhere to stay, too. That is a real arrangement to make, not a reason to put it off another year.

Tô tentando montar um vídeo do pequeno sem transformar tudo em vídeo de cliente, pq comecei com uma música bonitinha e quando vi tava cortando justamente as partes mais engraçadas pra caber na batida. Tem um pedaço em que ele espera eu entender a regra da brincadeira, uma demora danada, e a cara dele é o melhor take. Se eu corto a espera a cara perde a graça, fica parecendo outra coisa. Voltei tudo, deixei comprido e o fisio riu na hora certa. Agora quero mexer na cor, trocar o começo, inventar abertura... era só pra mandar pra família! Minha mãe já pediu o arquivo duas vezes e nem sabe que existe uma versão três.

I was showing a trainee something I'd done a thousand times and found I couldn't explain why I knew to pause at that particular moment. I started with 'you can feel it', which isn't much use to a person who hasn't felt it yet. Made me think about how much of the job I carry as a picture rather than as words. I went back through what I was actually watching and what changed before I moved. Took longer than doing it myself. The kid asked a question I'd never thought to ask at his stage. I've been turning it over since, not because he's wrong, but because the answer I first gave him was more habit than explanation.

خرجت إلى الحديقة بعد العصر لأرفع الحشائش من جوار الطماطم، وقلت لنفسي إن المساحة صغيرة ولا تحتاج إلى إحضار المقعد. هذه الجملة بالذات أعرف نتيجتها، ومع ذلك قلتها. عندما أردت النهوض لم تساعدني الركبة اليسرى، فبقيت ممسكة بحافة الحوض حتى مد زوجي يده. لم أقع ولم يحدث شيء يستدعي اجتماع العائلة، لكنه نادى حفيدنا ليأتي بالمقعد وكأننا نبدأ عملية إصلاح. أكملت جالسة، وكان العمل أبطأ لكن ظهري لم يظل مشدوداً مثل البداية. أكثر ما أزعجني أن زوجي لم يقل إنه حذرني. اكتفى بوضع المقعد قرب الباب بعد أن انتهينا، في مكان أراه كلما خرجت.

the players spent half our session trying to rescue a shopkeeper i invented because they wanted somewhere to buy rope. i had prepared a complicated political dispute elsewhere, naturally, and now i know the shopkeeper's aunt's occupation while my carefully written officials remain entirely unvisited. i'm not annoyed, mostly amused by how quickly a shared story stops belonging to the person who brought the notes. i keep wondering which tiny detail made him worth saving. probably the fact that i gave him a name and then forgot it, which everyone found endearing. there's a lesson about planning available here, but tonight i'd rather work out what his aunt thinks of all these strangers in her kitchen.