I keep picking up my phone to check whether anyone needs an answer, even with the sound off. No missed calls. Nothing waiting except a photo from the dispatch group and an ad for shoes I've never wanted. I thought putting the phone on silent would stop this, but apparently I can supply my own imaginary ring. Tried reading on the couch and caught myself doing it again at the bottom of the same page. Not a dramatic problem, just irritating. I know exactly how to divide my attention across four screens at work. Having only one thing to pay attention to at home somehow takes more effort.

Mom remembered which coffee I like. Very small event, not a headline. She had ordered it before I got there and was sitting with both cups, apologizing because mine might be getting cold. I felt this sudden ridiculous urge to cry and then got annoyed with myself for making a normal coffee date complicated in my head. We mostly talked about her neighbor's fence. It was fine. Better than fine, probably, but I don't want every good visit to become proof that everything between us is repaired. I can be glad she remembered and still want to go home after an hour. Both happened today.

[0810] Got home and sat on the back step to take my shoes off. The dog put his whole warm side against my leg, which meant I stayed there longer than planned, one sock on and one off. My shoulders were still up near my ears even though the shift had ended forty minutes ago. I wasn't worried about a particular call. Just wide awake in the wrong parts, with heavy legs and a jaw that wouldn't quite loosen. The garden needed water. I watched a beetle walk across the hose instead. Eventually the dog moved and I went inside for cereal. Couldn't face cooking eggs, couldn't face going straight to bed either.