One of the girls I coach asked whether I'd still be there next season, and I realised she had heard someone discussing the Canada offer. I said nothing was decided, which is true and also my full-time occupation lately. She looked disappointed before pretending she hadn't, and I felt guilty straight away. Then a bit cross that I felt guilty, as if taking a job somewhere else would be abandoning children who have perfectly capable people around them. I love that they want me there. I also want to be allowed to want something that isn't convenient for everyone at home. Haven't managed to say that out loud without making it sound like a complaint about people I love.

I made another list about the Ontario transfer and noticed half the reasons against it were questions I hadn't actually asked anyone. What happens to my role when I return, how the housing allowance works, whether two years is fixed. I've been treating all the unknowns as evidence that going is a bad idea, which would get a fairly sharp comment from me in an audit. Sent three questions to HR instead of opening a fourth comparison document. The answers won't tell me whether I'll be happy there, unfortunately. That is the part I keep trying to get somebody else to certify. At least I'll be deciding about the actual offer and not the alarming version I've built around it.

I demonstrated a turn at camogie training and the knee reminded me I was demonstrating, not making a comeback. Nothing gave way, it just felt stiff enough afterwards that I stopped bending it properly and started favouring the other leg. One of the girls asked if I was injured and I gave her the grand old injury explanation, very reassuring, while privately checking every step. I hate that bit, the second-guessing after a movement I used to do without knowing I'd done it. Back home I stretched in the kitchen and it settled. Sitting through tomorrow's meetings will probably annoy it more than the session did, but nobody asks you to retire from a meeting.